I have been gone for a while, but that because I have literally been gone… Haha I mean I’ve been to Norway, Egypt and now I’m in Spain. So I’m trying to get into the summer relaxing mood, but everyone with kids will know this doesn’t work! Especially as we are staying in our place in Marbella and I’m obsessed with decorating, so its constant pressure to find a new project. The last two times I’ve been here I have been painting and wallpapering. But more on that in a later post. And also do not worry, my extremely negative frustrating Egyptian posts are on their way hahaha!

So I wanted to share what kinda day I had today… It was truly a special one, and I hope that sharing this post I can maybe educate a few old grumpy grandmas, and bored men!

So I went to Carrefour today, grocery shop, to get some essentials to keep the kids both alive and happy, its hard work! The struggle of going grocery shopping with two kids, well cant it be described as anything else but hell. A place of torture, and punishment usually after death which is the best way to describe it, because it does feel like a slow and painful death! Whats the best part, well there are soooo many… The constant complaining and whining: Mommy I want ice cream, mommy, I want ice cream, mommy, mommy I want fries, mommy I want biscuits, mommy where is the chocolate, mommy I want fish… FISH?? Yes fish… A sad fish.. Yes my oldest did actually ask for a fish.. I told him I already got fish nuggets and he replies, no the REAL fish!!! Man, how old are you kid? its all real fish…I can put some eyes on the nuggets if you like…. I mean the easiest thing would just be to get one of each and every single product in the supermarket as the kids will smell a product that isn’t in the cart and definitely moan about it!

Then there is the logistics! Where does each child go? I cannot bring a stroller as I only have one hand to push, weeeellll that a lie, I have two hands but I mean like I can only push one thing at a time, unless I want to strain a neck muscle… My oldest is too heavy for the built in seat and my youngest constantly refuses to sit in it. So that means both kids in the main basket of the trolley which is also a very dangerous situation.

But anyways no other options so away we go on our stressful shopping trip… They started getting frustrated, tired and aggressive after 2.5 seconds, which was a second longer than last time.. improvement!! have to see the positive right?! Haha

You ready for the first incident? I place the trolley at the end of the cheese isle and ask the boys to behave for another 3.5 seconds so I can take FOUR steps to the Gouda cheese and bring it back to the trolley without any mayor shit storms… Yes mommy… I crawl sideways like a crab, all 4 steps to make sure I always have an eye on them, and another eye on the Gouda… Multitalent right there! I reach for the Gouda, and at this time both eyes are on the stupid cheese and I hear a loud slap, and my oldest screams Adam hit me….. OH MY GAAAAADDDD, LIKE SERIOUSLY…. And within mili-seconds an old Spanish lady explodes! Screaming in Spanish: How dare you hit your brother, NO NO NO NO, this is horrible behaviour… YOU SHOULD NEVER HIT…. THIS IS BADDDD…. YOU ARE BAD….. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOkey woman….. Hang on there a minute… last time I checked these kids came out of my uterus…. and you definitely aint related to me,. so WHO the hell are you to shout at my kids…. How do you know how im raising them… Would it be okey if I shouted at you, now for shouting at my kids… No, probably not… but you know what? they are kids, they will make mistakes, and will not be able to control their aggression sometimes, and this will result in a slap.. No its not okey, but its my job as a mother to help my kids get through this stage of not controlling their anger well.. NOW, what’s your excuse… Why the hell are you shouting at MY kids, what are you doing to control your anger… so can I shout at you now then???? I try so hard everyday to control my anger and be better at teaching my kids how to control theirs, and here you come and SHIT all over that… GO AWAY….

Ready for the next incident? Well here goes… Ugh I feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about this… Yousef as he is quite tall sticks quite far out of the trolley, but I’ve taught him in millions of shopping trips to stand carefully and always hold on… So he is experienced in standing in the shopping cart… Apparently an older man who had too much time on his hands thought otherwise… He approaches and tells me that this is very dangerous what im doing…. Me utterly confused ask him what he means… Your son, he can fall over any minute, its sooo dangerous to stand in the trolley like that, you should be more careful with your kids….. WOHOOOOOOOOOWWWWW, lets relax here, are you the ‘National Shopping Trolley Safety’ Minister??? NO…. Then move the hell out of my way… Im trying to do some shopping here, you here to help or make it a living hell… HU?? I was boiling inside from the previous incident but seriously I DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY to deal with grown ass people in supermarkets as well as my kids.. My kids are all I can find the energy to deal with… So I thanked him and walked off and he follows and has the nerve to tell Yousef to maybe get out of the trolley as its too dangerous! At this point I said YOUSEF STAY WERE YOU ARE… I swear I could have pulled out a gun, it sounded just like a hostage situation… BUT they are MY KIDS, they will listen to ME, so thank you Minister, move along, and go find one of those annoying people who actually park their trolley in the middle of the isle, so no one can pass… they are more dangerous than me, they cause accidents!

Ready for the last incident.. Well this one is the icing on the cake, trust me… So im sooo close to getting out of the supermarket, all I have to do is finish loading onto the till and then pack the groceries, pay and run to the car… Well walk, because you know, running with kids in a trolley is very dangerous… Hahaha… So there I am emptying the trolley systematically, taking all the small stuff so I can pack that first on the other side… I have 2 packets of Pepsi Max bottles on the small flip out shelf that is on the lower back side of the trolley. Each bottle is 2 liters and there’s a total of 8 bottles, that makes 16 liters of Pepsi… I know you are thinking why the hell is she calculating this, but bare with me… So im unloading the small things, leaving the Pepsi for last, so I can take it directly through to the other side of the cashier. Its smart, trust me… Suddenly a woman starts shouting, you kids, your kids… and Im like WTF?! My kids are fine… and she aggressively pointing at the Pepsi…. Your kids are going to fall.. And I still cannot connect the random cryptic words being shouted at me… So she leaves the queue and comes running fast and aggressively…. What are you doing, the Pepsi is so heavy it will make the trolley fall over… the balance will not be equal and being heavier at the back it will make your kids fall out head first and they will really hurt themselves…. WOW, just WOW, can you imagine this woman has already imagine the whole scenario in her brain, and nothing has happened… how does she know my kids will fall head first… I mean I don’t even know… Do I give this woman a maths lesson or a slap in the face, or just say thank you… Im so confused…

Lets do the maths… Firstly the shopping trolley is VERY VERY stable without any forces acting on it… It stands upright and doesn’t fall over if you push it… unless maybe if your are out of control drunk and fall over, pulling the cart WITH you then, in this case, it might be a little unstable… Then we have my kids who are 21kg and 15kg, which is a total of 36kg… So in fact if we look at the whole picture its actually more likely than the trolley falls over once you have removed the Pepsi bottles, because then there is 36kg in the cart but nothing around keeping it stable… if that’s what you mean… I mean I dont even know what she means so the only scenario I can think that this story could happen, was if someone was parking the car in the garage, hit a supporting pillar, the floor collapsed under us and then my kids might hurt their heads… ONLY then, could we say the trolley was part of the accident and unstable… but with two stable kids inside the trolley, and 16 liters of Pepsi loaded on the outside, I think we are okey… But mentally this woman IS NOT okey… She did, also without asking, take the bottles and place them on the belt and told me to take better care of my kids…

I MEAN HELL…. WHO are all these people and why do they have so much time and energy invested into me and my kids… because im shopping alone?? because im tired and dont have energy for this shit?!  I mean my oldest is nearly 5 and he still has 2 legs, 2 arms, 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth… Can we appreciate that I’ve looked after him well enough now!?!?!?!